At peace 

Andy’s ashes are back at home. I went to pick him up earlier in the week. His paw print came with it which made me teared up a bit when I was looking at his imprint. The emotions were still raw since Andy was my first dog and he was incredibly special to me. I’ve never personally dealt with a death of a pet before, so looking at his paw print reminded me memories of the times I played and smelled his paws. I don’t know why, but his paws  had a good smell! It made me miss this little punk even more.

Having Andy’s ashes back safe at home gave me a sense of closure and peace. I was terribly sad when he passed away suddenly at home couple weeks ago. Now that I have his ashes back, I feel relieved and at peace. It was almost the perfect timing that he passed a week before my trip to Portland. I don’t think I could have handle it well knowing that Andy was literally not there at home. The grief that I felt losing this little punk of mine was overwhelming. I never felt these sorts of emotions before. It was like a piece of my heart was ripped out. A few days away from home was good for me as I was distracted during my Portland trip. The day after I came back from the trip, I went to pick up his ashes. And my home doesn’t feel so empty anymore.

The transitional phase is feeling a bit weird. I miss going on walks with Andy in the morning and evening. At the same time, I can sleep in a little bit later because I don’t have to rush out for the morning walk which is sort of nice. I somehow need to find a new routine to do. Not sure when I will have another dog. I miss having one, so eventually I will adopt another dog who needs me. I am at peace knowing that I helped Andy during his time of need and gave him a very spoiled and well-loved life during his senior years. It didn’t really hit me that my love for Andy is completely unconditional until he passed. I still miss him, but I remember all the good times I spent with him. He was truly a special dog.

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